Matthew 28: 19, 20; Luke 15: 28-31

Rethinking fatherhood

The verses of the week speak to us of the concept of the Trinity.  And when we think of the Trinity, one of the most difficult to grasp in Christian theology, we think of Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  One God, Three in One.  As much as we are aware of the holiness and sacredness of this doctrine, to people in our day and age it also may sound like an idea that is too structured, as if we have tried to fit God into a mold of some sorts.  The “Father” description of God of course is the biggest problem.  But then friends, today happens also to be Father’s day.  Now I may officially call Father’s Day “Paternal Instinct Day,” but today the idea of Fatherhood is inescapable.  So let us just face it head on.  Let’s start by making one thing clear: There is nothing wrong with fatherhood.  Just because we have become aware that in Protestant theology that idea of motherhood has been undervalued and that we should be thinking of God as having motherly qualities, this does not make fatherhood a bad thing even as we move toward “parenthood” in our liturgy.  Whatever image we have of a father, we all have or had fathers.  Some we never have known their fathers, others have known their fathers for too short of a time. Some will have had fathers who were distant, others fathers who were close, some father s who were emotionally strong, others fathers who were emotionally weak fathers, some angry fathers, others mellow fathers, some talkative fathers, others quiet ones, some healthy, others abusive, some physically fit, others frail.  You are getting my point: there are a thousand ways to be a father, good or bad, but fatherhood in one way or another is something that is real to all of us.

Eamor McBride, an Irish woman novelist just received the prize for women’s fiction for her novel:”A Girl is a Half-formed Thing.”  The title intrigues me.  I read some excerpts of it on the internet. It is an unusual writing style. Very short sentences. Short. Sentences. Often just one word.  Then I started thinking: what if we think of fatherhood as a half-formed thing: A father is a half-formed thing.

You see, I kind of think that fathers can never live up to the ideals of fatherhood in our culture and society, more so than mothers.  Okay, mothers have to be able to cook, look good, be resourceful and not be aggressive.  You may not agree with me on that, but those are the traditional minimum requirements.  But I want to say something in defense of father. Fathers, fathers are supposed to be strong, kind, distant, a good provider, not cry, not whine, be smart, take physical pain well, be good at sports and know a lot about it, be good with tools, pay for dinner and hold the doors open for pretty much everybody but younger men, oh and yes gladly die in wars if there is a trigger happy President. Actually it would be helpful if fathers were all heroes.  Also they are an afterthought on father’s day as compared to women at mother’s day.  So fathers are bound to be set up for failure.  Mothers may feel that way too, but most fathers will for sure.

When I was cleaning up a few weeks ago, I found a cassette tape, a cassette tape with my father’s voice on it.  I have been reluctant to listen to it, ambivalent about the emotions it would bring out.   I have heard that voice but once in three decades or so.  You see, my father died almost 36 years ago.  I was 22. So I was an adult, but still at that age when I had not really come to terms with my father’s flaws.  He met many of fatherhood requirements.  He had been good at sports, he was smart, he was a good provider, he was very good with tools, he was smart and well-informed, he was rather distant and often quite unattentive.  But he was physically frail. It was as if his body wasn’t carrying him, he was dragging his body behind him. Ever since his first heart attack when I was eight.  I was not supposed to surprise or startle him in the fear the jolt might actually kill him.  A father is a half-formed thing, friends.

And then there is the parable of the Prodigal Son. In it a father embraces the selfish son and by doing son makes the loyal son angry.  In the conversation that is in our Bible passage the nature of the Father-Son relationship comes out. It shows the father’s love for both the sons and makes the complaints of the loyal son sound petty.  Love is so much greater than our rigid rules for son ship and fatherhood.  Of course God is the father in the parable Who accepts all God’s children. You see, in the Prodigal Son parable fatherhood is a fully formed thing.  Fathers are half-formed things. They can only become fully formed in relationship with God and even then they may not meet the bill.  There will always be a huge gap between the father and the God in the parable. It is in that gap that fathers live their lives; it is in that gap that we all live our lives. Thanks be to God.