John 1:45-49  by Rola Al Ashkar

“Can anything good come from Alabama?” exclaimed the Social services worker who was processing my health insurance application couple days ago, after I’ve told him in our little chat that I have been in the South and that I really liked it. Of course, he couldn’t understand what did I like about it and I was not surprised as his voice is that of any other citizen of the glamourous state of California.

As for me, I experienced my first push to get up and go, in Alabama. I was there for three months as a church intern, and there, I learned a lot, and changed a lot, I influenced people, I gained confidence in my validity to serve, and it was the first loop in the chain that led me to Princeton and then here eventually. Those three months became the motivation behind all that I have reached in my vocation so far! And maybe for a proud Californian, nothing good comes from Alabama, but others like me could find a lot of significance in such an insignificant place. I do not blame the man nonetheless, because there is nothing personal for him there. I do not either blame Nathanael’s “Can anything good come from Nazareth?” any other Jew would have said the same thing about such a lowly place. And I do not blame him for his indifference vis-a-vis Philip’s eagerness to introduce him to a man called Jesus; for he could not relate to Philip’s story about Jesus; he needed a story of his own, he needed something relatable. It isn’t until Jesus came to him, and regardless of what to make of the meaning of the fig tree riddle, but it isn’t until the calling became personal to Nathanael, that his attitude changed, and that he was finally able to answer that calling.

Throughout the years, I have been impressed by many of my religious leaders -whether professors or pastors- and at different times I thought I want to be like each one of them. I remember 7 years ago during my first year in seminary; I told my –now- pastor and back then Church History professor: I want to be you! He looked at me in awe and answered: you are young and beautiful, why on earth do you want to be me? And then pointing to his belly he added: you don’t want to have this.

His humorous answer actually meant more than just a joke; the fact that I am a woman and I am young in age, makes all the difference in the way my society perceives me as a minister. But I also think that, in his answer, he wanted me to understand that I should find my own and personal calling which might be different than his, or than anyone else’s. He wanted me to see that God values each of us being unique, and is willing to speak to each of us in a different way, as also evidenced by Jesus in today’s gospel reading.

Jesus reaches out to different disciples in different ways. He realized that what worked for Simon Peter (namely to be called through his brother Andrew), did not necessarily work for Nathanael. Subsequently, he approaches him differently and shares with him a little personal account, which, in turn, triggers a new orientation in Nathanael’s response to that very same calling.

Like Nathanael, our awareness of God’s callings in our lives fluctuates, and so does our readiness to respond. And we might experience all these twists and turns, and that lowly self-image Chelsea was talking about. But even when we fail to trust ourselves, we trust the dynamic God who will renew our callings, revive our spirits, refresh our talents and show us new ways of being faithful servants.

Last week I had been feeling tired so I went looking at prayers I’ve written for that Alabama church, maybe I can reuse some of them for last Sunday’s worship service. But the truth is: I haven’t been able to use any. Their language sounded so foreign to me, it didn’t sound like me, and it felt as if I wasn’t the one who wrote those prayers. Then I realized that the way I now perceive God is different than how it was back then. I have even changed the way I speak to God. And that kept me thinking that God has indeed changed the way God speaks to me. That’s how dynamic our callings are. That’s why a true vocation is never found, because it keeps changing, and we keep changing, and God keeps finding ways to assimilate and reconcile all of this together. Thanks be to God.