I am an impatient person. I cannot wait for the things I expect to be done or move on, so I do my best to push persons and force circumstances… And yet everything seems to move much less urgently than I wish, like the current lockdown situation for example. If you are reading this, I know that you can identify and that you too cannot wait for all of this to be over. But one thing God keeps putting on my heart and it is that you cannot rush feelings. You cannot be impatient when it comes to grief, sadness, and anger.

My spiritual director always reminds me to keep bringing those feelings before God and to embrace my feelings even when I am happy with where I am.

Last summer, I was up in beautiful Zephir Point where I withdrew into the lakeshore and was reflecting on some personal issues, praying for God to take away certain feelings of sadness and bitterness I was struggling with.

And though I’m not usually poetic or symbolic, I picked a pine cone from the ground, threw it into the water, and said: “God take those unwanted feelings away Just like the water is going to move and take away this pine cone.”

And as a quick response from God, I look at the cone and find it lingering there in its place; it moves forward a little bit but only to move back again a little further. The cone kept moving, continuously changing spots but never really traveled as far or as quickly as I wished it would.

I looked up and said really? For once I try to be poetic and this is how you respond?!

Joking aside this is exactly how feelings move inside of us. We struggle with them, they dwell in us, may disappear for a moment, for a short while, and rather abruptly come back with the same intensity.

Feelings are meant to be struggled with, traveled with. They require courage to acknowledge them, strength to face them, and not run away from them, and patience, a lot of patience to resolve and transform them.

As my thoughts took me to another place I forgot about the cone, but then hours later I went back to the same spot where I threw it and it was gone.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10